Six months ago I thought I would be running a marathon on Nov. 19. Three months ago I realized a half-marathon was more likely. Now it’s clear that I will be walking much of the 5K as Team Callie takes part in the North Carolina Marathon to raise money for spinal muscular atrophy (SMA) research two weeks from today.
These shrinking goals have fed a growing sense of failure. I’ve wondered why it’s so hard to go out and run a few times a week. Can’t I do that for Callie and the thousands of other children who live with SMA?
It sounds easy enough. But I have not done it. There are reasons. The physical and emotional energy Callie’s care requires takes its toll on our family every day. We’ve been overwhelmed. We’ve been sad. Callie’s not a baby anymore. It’s more obvious to others — and now to her — that she’s different. She’s still losing abilities. Now she’s losing her head control. We’re always tired.
But that’s life, and I should be able to deal with it and make this happen, I’ve thought as each day has passed without me making it happen.
Christy and I were talking about this the other day and we realized something incredible. As my sense of personal failure has grown, Team Callie has grown from 1 person to about 30 people. Team members have been training for months and raising money for SMA research – more than we could ever hope to raise alone. Because of the team, more people know about SMA today than yesterday.
I wish I had done better, but Team Callie’s accomplishments have helped me remember that this project never was about me, whether I run 2 miles, 13.1 or 26.2. It’s about Callie and everyone else with SMA. It’s about the support that comes from family, friends and anyone else who’s willing to walk, jog, run and ask for money for a cause. Thank you, Team Callie.
Nathan, you and Christy amaze me and everyone else around here. You are being inspiring parents to a beautiful family. We are with you.
Psalm 16:8 says “I keep my eyes always on the LORD.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” Although I don’t know you personally through your testimony it is my belief that you have your eyes on the Lord and are not shaken. You have just stepped into a valley. The very fact that God chose you and Christy to be Callie’s parents confirms that you are not a failure. It is not about running a marathon for SMA but about the marathon of love, care and nuturing that Callie gets daily from you and Christy. I would say you are both winners. Know that you are in my prayers.
You are still running the race for SMA–you are running (and winning) the race every day that your hard work, dedication, and love, have kept Callie alive. Congratulations on your winning the race at the end of each day!
Nathan – While I can certainly understand and identify with your feelings of personal failure (I would be feeling the same way), you know that you are NOT a failure, but, in fact, have more strength, courage, and endurance than anyone I know. What you and Christy do every minute of every day to care not only for Callie, but for the boys as well is nothing short of miraculous. You run a race every day – you run it well – and you finish in first place – every single day. As always I pray for you and your family. Callie and the boys have no idea how lucky they are to have you both as their parents. As Christy pointed out, the many others who have joined Team Callie are championing the cause and are the very arms of God to carry you when you need it most. I only wish I could be there to participate. All my love to you!
Somebody in Nashville is praying for you & your family.
As an outsider, looking in, it’s hard to comprehend how you or Christy could ever feel like failures. Callie was gifted with having the best and brightest in parents, it seems. I stand back in awe of the life SMA has prompted you to live and the fabulous life you give Callie. I certainly believe that God can take our greatest miseries and turn them into our greatest ministries. May God’s richest blessings be yours!
We are so proud of you. No matter how far you run, you have made a difference by putting yourself and your story out there, by fundraising, and by being an incredible parent to Callie! Never forget that. We never will! 🙂