When we first knew Callie had Spinal Muscular Atrophy, it bothered me that there was nothing to blame for her condition–no toxic chemicals during pregnancy, no pre-term birth complications. There was only God to blame, and I couldn’t fathom how He could have made her with this condition. And I still don’t know if He did.
But I’ve come to think that it doesn’t matter if God gave Callie SMA. What does matter is that God takes our tragedies and allows purpose to flow from them.
That doesn’t change the fact that I wish this wasn’t happening. I wish we had a cure so Callie could have the life I imagined for her: playing sports with her brothers, learning to put on makeup, walking down the aisle. But I also hope those dreams I had for her life will fade so that I will not hinder her purpose, whatever it may be.
I may never understand how losing her muscles and possibly her life has a purpose, but I will always believe that it does.
Only God could have revealed these truths to your heart! There is great peace in surrender to His Sovereignty even when we don’t understand the things He permits in our lives. You are wise to be truthful in all aspects of this. It hurts. There are broken dreams, yet somehow God remains in control. My daughter has a chronic condition that is somewhat debilitating. A wise, Godly woman once told me that it was ok to cry. God can use our tears for His glory. I found a lot of relief in being able to be real and not try to play the role of super Mom who could rise above it all everyday. In my life, God has taught me so much through this condition in my daughter and He has proven to us that He is so much bigger than a doctor’s diagnosis. May God’s richest blessing pour on you, Christy, as you minister to your precious baby girl and your family!
Christy,
Never have I ever seen, read, or heard a more unselfish statement than in this blog as you wrote, “But I also hope those dreams I had for her life will fade so that I will not hinder her purpose, whatever it may be.” Callie is so blessed to have a mommy who looks to God, yes, even wrestles with Him, to give Him full control and authority to work through her life. And He is working. And she has more purpose than we may ever know this side of heaven. And God is faithful and good, even in tragedy. Your honest and sincere journey of faith, including the difficult and doubting parts, speaks to my heart. There is nothing more beautiful than the life of this precious baby or the genuine walk with God you are taking as a result of being entrusted with her care. I’m so proud to be able to say, “This is my family!” I love you all very much.