{"id":195,"date":"2011-03-15T22:43:59","date_gmt":"2011-03-16T02:43:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.calliegolden.org\/blog\/?p=195"},"modified":"2011-03-15T22:55:55","modified_gmt":"2011-03-16T02:55:55","slug":"a-year-ago-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.calliegolden.org\/blog\/a-year-ago-3\/","title":{"rendered":"A year ago"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s been a year now since we learned Callie has spinal muscular atrophy. That day is still strong in my memory so I decided to write about it. <\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Callie had just turned 1 and I struggled to keep her wispy hair in place while we waited in the doctor’s office.<\/p>\n

A medical assistant came out to greet us. She gave Callie a big smile and said the doctor was ready for us. We followed in her cheerful wake and stepped into the designated room.<\/p>\n

\"Callie's<\/p>\n

Callie’s 1-year portrait<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

The doctor came in right away and explained how the test was done. Its simplicity made me nervous. I had come to this appointment alone, thinking this was a routine test and we would get the results later.<\/p>\n

I realized that I would know Callie’s diagnosis in a few minutes. I needed my husband, but I had told him it was a simple test so he may as well stay at work.<\/p>\n

The doctor began by delivering electric shocks to Callie’s foot. She cried a little, but seemed unfazed overall. The diagnoses narrowed.<\/p>\n

Then came the painful part: a needle-stick into Callie’s thigh muscle. The test didn’t work because Callie wasn’t capable of moving that part of her leg. So the doctor stuck her again in her lower leg.<\/p>\n

I clung to her, trying to console her as the doctor called out orders so the assistant could hear him above Callie\u2019s screams and the crackling whir of the machine.<\/p>\n

Then the doctor quietly said, \u201cOK.\u201d<\/p>\n

His shoulders slumped as he turned off the machine and waited for me to comfort Callie.<\/p>\n

Sorrow thickened the air. It was what we suspected. I stared at my daughter, her large brown eyes framed with long wet lashes. I cried softly as I held her head against my own. I didn’t ask many questions.<\/p>\n

The assistant offered to help us to the car. When we reached the front office, I told her I could make it to the car alone. My tears gave way to weeping as I walked out, still cradling Callie.<\/p>\n

My legs trembled and I made a conscious effort not to fall under the weight of grief. I found myself repeatedly sobbing the words “I’m so sorry” to Callie.<\/p>\n

She looked at me, knowing she should be upset but not knowing why.<\/p>\n

My hands shook as I strapped Callie into her car seat. I pulled myself into the car, shut the door and reached for my phone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s been a year now since we learned Callie has spinal muscular atrophy. That day is still strong in my memory so I decided to write about it.   Callie had just turned 1 and I struggled to keep her wispy hair in place while we waited in the doctor’s office. A medical assistant came […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"yes","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-195","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.calliegolden.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/195","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.calliegolden.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.calliegolden.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.calliegolden.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.calliegolden.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=195"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.calliegolden.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/195\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":200,"href":"https:\/\/www.calliegolden.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/195\/revisions\/200"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.calliegolden.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=195"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.calliegolden.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=195"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.calliegolden.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=195"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}